


Tears in the closet

by ukaia_dorei



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Insecure Logic | Logan Sanders, Logan Needs A Hug, Roman needs to lay off the teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 22:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17907143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukaia_dorei/pseuds/ukaia_dorei
Summary: Logan is Logic.Logic isalwayscool, calm, collected and emotionless. At least that is how he presents himself to the others, and how he prefers to think of himself. However despite his protests, he has those icky, complicated emotions, just like any other side. They frustrate and infuriate him, so he handles them the best way he knows how. By ignoring them and pushing them away and down into a little box in his own mind. So what happens when they build up past the breaking point?He has no choice but to let them out in the only way he knows how.





	Tears in the closet

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> So, honestly I'm not sure where this came from. It was just an idea I had and decided to write out. It all started with Logic wanting a stuffed toy and ended in an emotional breakdown. I'm not always sure how I get from point A to K with these jumps in my brain, it wasn't supposed to be an emotional break down but hey here we are. 
> 
> A bit of an odd one shot, I suppose.
> 
> I still hope you enjoy it!! Please let me know if I've missed any tags and I will adjust them right away!!
> 
> Poor Logan, I keep hurting you don't I? I promise I'll pick on someone else for the next story... probably... Um.. maybe... *cough* Kind of depends on what story I manage to finish first I guess.

Logan had a secret. He could never let the others know this secret. It was hard enough to get them to look at him with respect and listen to him, but if they knew this? He'd never hear the end of it, they would never take him seriously again. So he kept his secret carefully hidden away, only allowing himself the comfort of it on the days that had been the most trying, the ones that had pushed Logic to his breaking point. And even then he would only take comfort when hidden away in his closet, an only for a small measured amount of time. 

The secret really wasn't anything big, it was a toy, a stuffed toy that he'd made with his own hands. Logan had never really understood the value of stuffed toys as they had grown up, but he had watched as Morality and Creativity played with them. He'd listened as Anxiety and Creativity bickered occasionally over who got Mrs. Fluffybottoms that day, and he'd wondered at the odd way they had seemed so affectionate towards such a thing. Logic didn't understand it, not in the least. He would never make fun of them for it of course, but the one time he'd asked Creativity to make a stuffed toy for him, stating that he wanted to determine what the correlation between a stuffed toy and the affection shown was... well it hadn't gone well. Creativity seemed like he'd been about to agree until Logic had said that. Creativity's face had soured and he scowled after a moment before shaking his head no. 

"I'm not going to make you a stuffed toy so you can do some experiments with it Logic. "He had huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at Logan. "These are special, these toys are meant to be loved and played with and cared for. Not experimented on!" he said in an exasperated tone. Logic had taken a step back, a puzzled, slightly hurt look coming over his face, he hadn't meant he was going to.. dissect it or anything like that. He simply wanted to try and understand. What was it about the fabric covered dolls made the others so happy when they held them, or talked to them or played with them? Logic wasn't sure he could expain what he wanted from the toy, so he had simply dropped the subject. He didn't dared to ask again, but after a little while of debating over what to do, he'd decided to make his own.If Creativity could do it, then surly Logic could as well!! 

It took him several months, and many failed attempts to make the stuffed toy. He had underestimated Creativity's ability, he supposed. But still he had done it!! A simple bear, made from dark blue, nearly black fabric, with little star patterns carefully bleached into the fabric. Each dot had been placed with an eye dropper, checking his star chart before moving to the next drop. The constellations were scattered across the toy's body, front and back, some over the face and then down over the arms and legs. He'd made those first, the main constellations, but the bear didn't seem complete. After debating for a while he realized what was missing! Logic got out a small paintbrush, then flicked the bleach on the bear to make a scattering of stars across him like a real night sky. There was no rhyme or reason to where the extra specks of white would bleach, but that was perfect. The universe, while organized was also random. Such a beautiful contradiction of ideas, he tried to imitate on this toy. Finally once he was satisfied with the "night sky" he washed the bear twice to get out the smell of the bleach. Logan turned the toy over in his hands, and stared at it. Something was still missing, the toy wasn't complete!! He tilted his head back and forth as he puzzled out the missing piece. Finally he came up with an idea and after a bit more work, a small tie was put around the bear's neck. That was perfect!! Pride had welled up in him at his accomplishment. Some part of him wanted to show Roman the bear, show him he could make something special like Mrs. Fluffybottoms, that he understood the care needed for such toys!! But the other parts of him was afraid of the response, the scorn Creativity would have for such an amature piece of work. Creativity would probably make fun of him, or even try to take the bear to improve or or some other such nonsense. Instead he decided that while the bear wasn't perfect, it was his, and he would never let the others find out. He got a box with the intention of simply hiding the bear in it. However, once he saw his precious hand made toy sitting in the empty box he felt an odd surge of.. guilt. With a frown he pulled the bear out, and with out understanding why he was doing it he had conjured a small pillow to put in the bottom of the box, something soft and comfortable for the toy to lay on. He set it on the pillow but frowned, still not satisfied with the result. After a bit more thinking Logan put his newly found sewing skills to work and made a miniature pillow, and then a blanket. He was confused at his own actions, but as he tucked the blanket around the toy,as it lay on it's back, his head resting on the pillow he finally felt like it was complete. The idea and feelings made no sense at all to him, but perhaps this was what Creativity had meant when he said Logan wouldn't understand how to use a toy properly. Still he was rather proud of his accomplishments, and quite satisfied with the bear tucked into his box bed. This would be the bears home when Logan couldn't have him out. Something niggled at him though, one more thing, he needed one more thing to make this perfect. It took a few moments of thought before he realized it. A name!! His toy must have a name!. Logic studied the doll for a long time before settling on one. Stardust, his bear would be called Stardust. He smiled at his Stardust, before closing the lid on the box and going to hide him away from prying eyes.

Stardust stayed in his box, tucked under his blanket and on his little pillow and carefully hidden in the back of Logan's closet. Logan wasn't sure how the ritual started to be honest. He just knew one day, when his emotions had been too much to push down.. he had gone into his closet dragging a soft fluffy blanket with him. He closed the doors of the closet and use a small push on light to navigate his way to the very back. He then pulled the box from it's hiding spot, and gently pull Stardust out and hugged the bear. He set a timer, one hour.. just.. one hour would he allow himself the comfort of hugging his very own stuffed toy. He was grateful for the feeling, the odd warmth and comfort this illogical act brought to him, he was starting to understand why the others had special toys. Or at least he thought he might be starting to understand. Despite knowing the others held toys as special items.., he could never let the others discover him in such a childish position!!! Cloaked a fuzzy blanket, the stuffed toy clutched to his chest, absorbing his tears, or just listening as he mumbled about the day and what had upset him, or even just being there for him just to hold. It might have been almost acceptable when they were children. But now that he was an adult? No....no... he could never let the others discover this secret part of himself. 

Today had been a very rough day for Logan, he'd spilled coffee over one of the schedule's he had nearly finished, then his tie had gotten a stain on it from dropped dollop of Crofters jam, and to top it all off the others still hadn't stopped their teasing after his misuse of the word infinitesimal!! It had been few days already, but Roman still made several jokes about the resident computer being glitched, and even Anxiety had shot a smirk or two his way. While he had originally been shocked that Patton, of all people, had known the correct definition and pointed his mistake out to him, he realized the other side might be smarter then he let on. Underestimating the intelligence of one of his fellow sides was something he felt guilt for, but also feelt vaguely threatened. What other things did Patton or even Roman understand, but had not let on about? Was he truly the smartest side as he often proclaimed? Were they simply humoring him, talking about him behind his back? Now with the unknown factor of Anxiety, just how much was his position as the smartest side in danger?

Logan had bore it all stoically, or as stoically as he could, shoving down the emotions that these thoughts had turned up, but the entire experience was coming to a head. He could fee the emotions bubbling and turning inside him harder and faster, demanding a release. Logan managed to watch one movie before excusing himself from the group. Anxiety looked up from his huddled position in the chair next to the couch, the violet eyes watching his movements from under the fringe of dark hair. It was becoming more frequent that he would venture from his room and join them, but even with his lack of normal attendance he seemed to notice that Logan leaving early was unusual. Logan brushed off the concern from the other two simply stating he wished to get a bit more work done on Thomas's schedule before turning in for bed that night. It wasn't a complete lie, he did need to rewrite that schedule he'd ruined in the morning, but with those thoughts in his head, he missed the worried glance between Patton and Roman. Logan did feel the lingering gaze of Anxiety as he made his way up the stairs. He was unsure why Anxiety was watching him so intently, but he brushed it off as well. It didn't matter, he needed to escape!!

Logan made his way up the stairs and into his room. He locked his door behind him and let out a long slow breath as he leaned back against the door letting his head hang for a moment. His hands came up and gently undid the tie from around his neck, then unbuttoned the top three buttons. A sharp breath of air was drawn in, he nearly choked on how greedily his body had pulled the air in. Had his tie been on perhaps a bit too tight? He wasn't sure, and to be honest he didn't care. Logan pushed himself away from the door and hung his tie over the back of his desk chair. He stood still trying to push back the emotions, to lock them in their proper little box, but he could already feel the heat burning behind his eyes. Could feel that itchy burning sensation crawling in the back of his throat. No, today he would need Stardust, he would let the toy help him release these feelings and get himself back into the proper logical headset he normally had. Shivering a bit in misery he snapped his fingers, changing into his unicorn onesie and then pulled his galaxy blanket off his bed. He flicked the lights off in his room, leaving only a small desk lamp on to keep himself from bumping into anything. Logan made his way to the closet and opened the door before stepping in. He shut it behind himself and pushed the small light on, then made his way to the back of the closet. Soon he had Stardust's box out, his blanket wrapped around himself and his legs were pulled to his chest. Stardust was used to hide his face as he clutched at the bear. 

The dam broke, and he sobbed into Stardust's soft and slightly worn fabric. His entire body was racked with the sobs as he released the pent up emotions, the hurt, the uncertainty, the pain from the teasing remarks. He let it all go in ugly gasping sobs, his entire body heaving with force of those contained emotions as they broke free. His poor Starlight soaked up the pain filled tears as he used the bear to muffle the sounds. For the first time ever though, he'd neglected to start his timer, the one that kept him from being emotional for far too long. With out the timer he continued to cry, till the sobs became whimpers, and finally he slumped to the side, asleep completely exhausted and emotionally drained. 

The next morning found Logan waking in the closet, stiff and sore from his night of sleeping on the floor in such an uncomfortable position. He looked at Stardust and sighed, nuzzling his cheek into the soft fabric for a few moments, before snapping away any trace of the mess from his emotional outburst. He would hand wash Stardust later tonight, after everyone went to bed. Always he snapped away the mess, and then would carefully hand wash the doll, drying it with the utmost care. For now though he tucked his bear back into his bed, and the hid him away once more. 

After stumbling out of the closet Logan looked at the time. Almost 5 am, he was quite relieved he had not overslept, he berated himself for not setting a timer like he was supposed to, but what was done was done. Tiredly he headed for the bathroom, tossing the blanket on the bed once more. Forty five minuets later, the impeccably dressed Logic stepped out of his room. He was showered, dressed properly and his room was made up neat and tidy. He straightened his tie once more and headed down the stairs to get his cup of coffee. 

His emotions were back in their box and he nodded to himself. He was normal again, the cool and calculated Logic, untouchable by petty taunts and silly emotions. 

Just as it was supposed to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank's so much for reading!!


End file.
